Gearing up for the holidays?How to prepare for the season of memories.

Well, it’s here. The start of the winter holiday season. And there is that dread churning inside of you, thinking about all those cheerful people wishing everyone “Happy Holidays!” while you’re just wanting to skip to January 2nd already.

•       Holidays bring up memories of who you would have been with on these special days.

–      Those memories can be “nice and not so nice”.

•       It is the ANTICIPATION AND THE EXPECTATIONS of those holidays that can be quite painful.

•       and Ignoring (or pretending to ignore the day) DOESN’T really work.

Potential Triggers

  • Holiday lights      

  • Holiday Sales catalogs in the mail               

  • Holiday cards in the mail                

  • Briskets    

  • Bundles of Turkeys in the grocery store  

  • Smell of Ginger/spices   

  • Eggnog Lattes at Starbucks.   

  • Santas in the malls   

  • Movies/TV (holiday references in tv shows)    

  • Pumpkin anything                                         

  • Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song     

  • Anything that jingles…                 

  • ANYTHING

 

Here’s some things you may want to consider:

  • What traditions do you want to honor?

  • What traditions do you want to avoid/not include?

  • Make a list of who you want and will accept spending time with on that holiday.

  • Determine what expectations each person in the family has for that day?

  • Brainstorm ways each person wants to honor the loved one.

 

Where to you want to honor the holiday?

  • At home?

  • If at home, where in the home (i.e. having traditional dinner in the dining room may be too painful…maybe you decide to have it in the kitchen or living room this year)

  • At another relatives’ or a friend’s home?

  • Again, it can be important for you to be clear on what your expectations for the day are.

  • Leave town?

  • At a restaurant?

 

Coping Skills:

  • Have a window of time that you will be at the event (i.e. stay 1 hour, determine if it is in the beginning of the party, middle, or end of the event).

  • You may want to drive yourself or coordinate with a friend about an agreed upon signal/time to leave the holiday event.

  • And uber/lyft are always available if you’ve had a holiday drink or 3….

NOVEMBER 16, 2019

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Broken Hearts on Valentine's Day by Mark Frankle LMFT

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Grieving on Valentine’s Day